We went to visit Rubys grave this morning.Its only my second visit since her funeral.My first was 2 days afterwards on mothers day.Yes I spent mothers day morning sat in a cemetery on a bench surrounded by babies graves.Ironic really.I think I was most upset about the other babies which was weird. Where the bench is there are the older graves.By old I mean about 2 or 3 yrs old.It made me sad that there were 2 or 3 graves that were not cared for - forgotten even.Then I started to panic thinking maybe thats what would happen to Rubys grave in years to come - would i forget to come and visit her final resting place eventually?Its amazing what torturous things the brain can cook up in times of grief...
This morning Justin and I took pots of daffodils and flowers to Ruby's grave.I was suprised that her funeral flowers still looked lovely - its been over a week.
The grave up from Ruby had balloons and flowers all around it - it was the little girls 5th birthday.So sad.When we had finished tending the flowers we just kind of stood and looked down at Ruby's grave and I felt a big black nothingness.Empty.
The rest of the day plodded on and Iv kept myself busy but now Im on the verge of tears again.The evenings seem to be the worst.When night falls.
Emptiness is my new friend that calls throughout the day and seems to sleep with me most nights now..
